A Pelvic Floor Therapist’s Guide For Navigating Intimacy Without Anxiety

Valentine’s Day is often filled with romance, candlelit dinners, and sweet moments with your partner—but if you've ever experienced painful intimacy, it can also bring anxiety, tension, and a nervous system that’s on high alert. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone; many women experience discomfort with intimacy, and your pelvic floor plays a big role in that experience.

As pelvic floor therapists, we want you to know that pain with intimacy is not something you have to push through or ignore. Your body is designed for both safety and pleasure, and by supporting your pelvic floor and nervous system, you can approach intimacy with more ease and less anxiety.

5 Ways to Support Your Pelvic Floor and Nervous System Before Intimacy

1. Diaphragmatic Breathing

Your breath is one of the most effective ways to communicate control and relaxation to your nervous system. Try slow, deep belly breathing—start with one hand on your belly and the other on your chest. Inhale through your nose, allowing your belly to expand, then exhale longer than your inhale. This helps shift your body out of “fight or flight” mode and encourages the pelvic floor to relax.

2. Incorporate Gentle Pelvic Floor Stretches

If your pelvic floor muscles are holding tension, intimacy can feel uncomfortable or even painful. Before intimacy, try gentle stretches like happy baby pose, child’s pose, or supported yogi squats. These movements encourage pelvic floor lengthening, making intimacy feel more comfortable.

3. Create Your Ideal Environment

Your surroundings can influence your nervous system more than you realize. A cluttered, overstimulating space can make it harder for your body to shift into a relaxed state. Try these small changes to make your environment feel safer and more soothing:

• Declutter your nightstand or room—a calm space can signal a calm mind.

• Dim the lights or use warm lighting to encourage relaxation.

• Turn off distractions—power down the TV, pause the Roomba, and put away anything that overstimulates your senses.

• Play soft music or white noise to create a peaceful atmosphere.

A safe, relaxed nervous system is key for pain-free intimacy. If you tend to feel anxious, slowing things down and setting clear boundaries with your partner can take the worry off the table. Extended foreplay, open communication, and checking in with your comfort level all signal to your body that it’s safe to relax.

4. Use a Quality Lubricant

Quality is key here! Dryness can contribute to discomfort especially postpartum, during breastfeeding, or with hormonal changes. A pH-balanced, water-based or silicone-based lubricant can reduce friction and support a more enjoyable experience. Avoid the three “S’s”-- scents, sparkles, or stimulants! 

5. Release Tension in Your Jaw & Shoulders

If it's tense up top, well, then it’s most likely tense down below! Try unclenching your jaw, rolling your shoulders, or practicing soft humming to release upper body tension. When we relax these areas, the pelvic floor naturally follows.

You Deserve Comfort & Confidence in Intimacy

Pain is never “just in your head,” and you don’t have to push through discomfort. If intimacy has been a source of stress, consider working with a pelvic floor therapist to address the root cause. At Empower Physical Therapy, we specialize in helping women feel more connected, comfortable, and confident in their bodies—on Valentine’s Day and beyond.

Wishing you a Valentine’s Day filled with love, comfort, and confidence!

— The Empower PT Team